Category Archives: X-files

eXtraordinary things in life, some strange, some funny

Mein Fuhrer’s Outburst on the Punggol East By-Election Results

This is super hilarious! I could not stop laughing! It’s amazing how one scene from one movie can be applied to so many real life scenarios, albeit with superb script writing. Love that bit where Cecilia Sue’s shenanigans also got a part. And the best part from the Fuhrer, “Call my boy here so I can give him a tight slap.” So funny…..

Of CB Leaves and Sergeants

Just two days ago while I was cooped up on a hill in the western part of Singapore (where they have left nature intact) with 12 other men in green, we were running out of topics to talk about.

We had run through the gamut of Religion (scandals mostly), Politics (completely scandalous), and now like most guys deprived of a skirt for days on end, we moved on to Sex (Centerfold of Scandals in “Corruption”-Free but not Sex-Free Singapore).

One of the guys who was doing his last high-key ICT (In Camp Training) confessed that he did not know what a CB leaf (see picture) was or why it was called so (“Chee Bye” is the Hokkien phrase for the vagina).

The gang then pounced on our newbie, the latest posting to our node (1st ICT) and certainly one guy who we affectionately called “Boy Boy” for his obedience and lack of a certain “weathered” experience of the world. Gosh, “Boy Boy” also calls me Sergeant all the time and I believe I’ve hardly been addressed as such in all of my reservist days and even my active days.

After a while, with much puzzled look on the size of the leaf (nope, that’s not it), it’s overall shape (not so too), he finally discovered the answer (just google it and you’ll find something). Much to our chagrin, he told us he just recently tied the knot two months ago.

It’s really something to bear with the discomfort of the great outdoors in our army greens, eating combat rations and pooping in the bushes in the fastest possible time (to get the least number of mosquito bites on our bare bottoms and exposed thighs). Hell, I know of several buddies who have such mental willpower to hold it all in and self-constipate so that they can altogether avoid the unpleasant business of doing big business.

It’s another thing when you put all these men together with nothing much to do but talk. Men just don’t talk like women do. We put out all the facts, we analyse, we criticise, and we jump at the opportunity to offer solutions.

And then we move on to other news-worthy topics.

After that, we look for the nearest stack of cards, or some solid fuel to go build a fire. Nowadays, I notice the handphone is quite a good distraction too.

It’s just the way men are wired.

Good thing was that our reinforcements came in the nick of time, and now jolly old Sergeant can go to watch Jack Neo’s Ah Boys to Men in the movie theatre and laugh at the good ‘ol CB leaf shenanigans.

Words of Wisdom

Found this chinese piece of writing in a hair saloon.

Newest Dish in town

I do not, will not, shall not, want not to imagine the sensory taste of such a dish.

Nice name

Sometimes when Victoria Secret’s already been taken, this name is next best.

Analogy of the Stock Market: The Monkey Story

Story reproduced, author unknown

Once upon a time a man told a small village, “I will buy monkeys for $10 each.”

Since there were many monkeys in the forest, the villagers caught them and sold them to the man.

As the supply of monkeys diminished, the villagers’ efforts slowed, so the man offered them $20 each.

They renewed their efforts but the supply of monkeys diminished further, so he increased his price to $25.

Soon no one could even find a monkey in the forest.

The man increased his price to $50, but announced, “Since I must go to the city on business, I authorize my assistant to buy monkeys on my behalf.”

As soon as his boss was gone, the assistant told the villagers, “My boss has collected lots of monkeys. I’ll sell them to you for $35 and then, when he returns, you can sell them to him for $50.”

The villagers rounded up all the money they could and bought as many monkeys as possible. Then they had monkeys everywhere…

… but they never saw the man or his assistant again.

And now you understand the workings of the stock market!

The New ERP Song (fr Mr Brown)

Simply hilarious!

Sing-along to the soundtrack of Fast and Furious…

Lyrics:

I wonder if you know,
How they live in Ang Mo Kio
Go to city many gantry
Can’t afford your speed too low
Fast and furious! (Kena!) (beep! beep! beep!)
Slow is dangerous (Aiyah!) (beep! beep! beep!)

I wonder if you know,
How they live in Toa Payoh
Please lah tolong, only Lorong
Not Expressway also tio!
Spread like virius! (Aiyah!) (beep! beep! beep!)

Many many taxes danglin
ERP now is randomin
Keep your speed ‘bove 45
Or everybody Cashcard won’t survive!
Suka suka ERP on
Happy happy gantry can born
16 new ways to gope your lui
See already want to pui!

Gahmen say take MRT
Cos car is only luxury
Build the road for Fellari
Normal car will up lorry
Ji Pa Ban (uh!), Ichiban (uh)
No million dollars you Lan Lan
CTE is the place to be
Singapore road for VIP

I wonder if you know,
How they live in Ang Mo Kio
Reach work early, at 5.30
Spend three hours drink teh-o
Live like vampires (ouch!) (beep! beep! beep!)

I wonder if you know,
Where the gantry never grow
Where the ! lorry Never worry
Travel freely where you go
Pulau Bukom! (Don’t have!) (beep! beep! beep!)
Pulau Tekong (Huat ah!) (beep! beep! beep!)