Tag Archives: Suffering

All or nothing

I’ve lost many things in this season of my life.

I lost my health – I was hospitalized recently for the first time in my life due to a bout of kidney stones.

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As a result of that I’ve lost my pursuit of the love of food – I have a new list of dietary restrictions and may only permit the occasional “once in a blue moon” whiff of sparing indulgence, if there was ever such a phrase.

I lost my fitness, due to an injury sustained on my foot while I was training during the IPT session in maju camp earlier this year. That cut down the high impact cardio workouts that I could do while I rested my foot.

I sort of lost my momentum in closing sales during the 3 month dry spell earlier this year. That really knocked me off my ride as I was building more and more speed. In fact, it took me a while to jump start my engine.

I’ve lost a relationship very dear to me, second only to my relationship with Abba Father.

But this morning, I gained an understanding, a revelation and a peak into the window of God’s plan and purpose for my life.

The apostle Paul said in 1 Corinthians 1:17 that “Christ did not send me to baptize, but to preach the gospel, not with wisdom of words, lest the cross of Christ should be made of no effect,” but “we preach Christ crucified” and I believe that God orchestrated all these series of events in my life to wrestle me away from every other thing so that I could be fully transformed in Christ.

This year’s bible study fellowship was also focused on the book of Genesis and somehow I can identify closely with the life of Joseph, from his betrayal by his brothers, to his fall in status from being the favoured son to a slave in Egypt and then worse still, condemned as a prisoner for years. Joseph was forgotten by men for a period but all the while he had God’s presence with him in all that he did and God blessed Joseph with the favour of people around him so that all the work of his hands was blessed greatly, in spite of his dreary circumstances. God did not change Joseph’s circumstances, but I believe that God was transforming Joseph and preparing his heart for the bigger stage to save lives.

I can only continue to pray and ask God for strength in my trials so that I can look away from the pain of the present and find joy in the future glorious purposes of God.

As one of my current favourite authors John Eldredge points out succinctly, man was designed by God to passionately pursue His adventure set out for him in this life.

Like what my pastor Ps Yang said in the first sermon I ever heard him preach – black is black, white is white. There is no middle ground. There is no sitting on the fence. We were born into a world already at war. There are two sides and God has spared nothing, not even His only Begotten Son.

I lost everything, but gained everything.

It’s all or nothing for me.

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